Learning to Say No

I used to be busy. Busy was my badge of honor, something I wore with pride. My calendar was a full-on game of Tetris, and my to-do list could’ve been a novel. I genuinely believed that being busy meant I was doing something right. And if I wasn’t constantly running around or checking things off the list, then, well, what was I even doing with my life?

But then, somewhere along the way, I got sick of it. All the noise, all the constant pushing and hustling, it started to feel less like an achievement and more like a prison. I was getting things done, sure, but my mind? Completely fried. I realized I was getting it all done for other people—work, school, family. I was never doing anything for myself, and honestly, I had no idea what it even looked like to take time for me.

Take my kid, for example. I’ve never had anyone watch my kid because I wanted to do something for me. It was always me bending over backward for something someone else wanted to do with her, scrambling to fit in their time frames. Even then, I was spending money to have others spend time with my kid, which meant I couldn’t budget for anything I might actually enjoy. I was doing nothing for myself, beyond earning a living, and I was getting tired of it.

It wasn’t until I hit a wall—mentally, physically, emotionally—that I realized I needed to make a change. The pressure to always be doing something for someone else, to always be achieving something for someone else, was slowly draining me. I found myself scrolling through my phone at 2 a.m., checking emails that didn’t matter, and clicking on notifications that didn’t deserve my attention. On top of all this, my health was struggling, and I was still doing everything for everyone else.

So I decided to do something completely different: I stopped.

Now, I don’t mean I went minimalist or disappeared into the forest (though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fantasize about it sometimes). But I made a decision to create boundaries. I stopped letting "busy" and being a "yes woman" define my worth.

The First Step: Saying No Without Guilt

The first step was realizing how often I said yes to things that didn’t matter. Friends wanted to meet up? Yes. An extra project at work? Yes. Family wanted me to jump into last-minute vague plans with no consideration for me? Yes. Every time I said yes, I was committing precious time, energy, and funds to things that didn’t bring me joy, weren’t moving me forward, and honestly, didn’t align with my values.

Saying no? Holy hell, it was hard. It felt rude, selfish, and sometimes downright uncomfortable. I had spent so long saying yes that when I finally started saying no, the reactions from others were extreme—crying, guilt, tantrums. It felt like I was the villain for setting boundaries. But once I started saying no, I realized how relieved I felt.

Now, it wasn't easy. I’m still learning to say no, but I’ve gotten better at it. I say no to things that don’t align with my personal or professional goals, like staying up late, working weekends, over-committing to things that drain me, or attending events that were thrown at me last-minute. Saying no felt like finding an off switch to the noise.

And let’s be real—saying yes wasn’t just draining my time. It was draining my finances. I’m not from the type of family that has a nest egg, gifts you a home, gives you a trust fund, or even offers free babysitting. Everything I’ve got, I’ve fought for. But saying yes to everyone else was expensive. It was exhausting, and honestly, it wasn’t working.

The Next Step: Prioritizing What Actually Matters

After I started saying no, I realized I had to refocus on what truly mattered to me. That was easier than I expected. I stopped chasing productivity for the sake of it and began focusing on things that brought me peace and moved me toward the life I wanted.

For me, that meant turning off notifications. Yep, all of them. It meant stepping outside for a few minutes, getting some fresh air, and letting the sunlight hit my face. It meant going for walks. It meant leaving my phone in another room when I was eating, sleeping, or spending time with my family.

But this wasn’t just about boundaries with tech. It was also about boundaries in my personal life. I started homeschooling my daughter to protect her from a school system that punished her for being "too smart" or wanting "to learn too much". I let my boss lay me off because I refused to take on more hours that would require me to pay for childcare with a wage that didn’t even cover those expenses. That was a tough decision, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made for my family. It gave us the opportunity to invest some of our money and gave us the time to get our home ready to sell so we could move to a nicer home in a better neighborhood.

The Power of Saying No Extended to Work

I even started saying no to clients. That felt insane at first. But I stopped saying yes just because it was money. I began working with clients who respected my time and didn’t expect favors or discounts while ignoring my invoices. And honestly, it felt good to stand up for myself in ways I never had before.

When we finally settled into the new house I even started a new business—a garden nursery. It wasn’t just about selling plants. It got me out of the office sitting over a desk all the time. Maybe it wasn't disappearing into the woods, but it got me a lot more time in nature. And it was rewarding. I'm teaching people how to slow down, take care of themselves, and nurture their environment. It's about living a life that feels right to me, not one that was dictated by others.

Over time, I realized that time isn’t something to “manage.” It’s something to be respected. I don’t have to be busy to be worthy. In fact, the more I slow down, the more I appreciate my life for what it is. The more time I have with my daughter, the better we communicate, the more she listens. It's a happiness and peace I will protect at any cost. 

Finding Peace on My Own Terms

I stopped equating “busy” with “successful,” and that was the real game-changer. I realized that peace doesn’t come from a full calendar. It comes from space. It comes from breathing. From creating time for what matters most—my health, my family, and my own sense of purpose.

Now, I choose my battles. I choose my time. And I choose peace.

And if that means saying no to things that don’t move me forward or drain my energy—so be it. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m learning to trust myself and my boundaries.

Need a little help saying no without guilt?

I put together a printable planner + journal that I wish I had when I was deep in the cycle of burnout, people-pleasing, and doing too much for everyone but myself.

It’s designed to help you get clear on your boundaries, manage your day in a way that actually works for you, and reflect on what matters most—without all the noise.

✦  I send it out periodically and for free to my email subscribers—because I want this to land in the hands of people who really need it.

✦  If you’d rather not wait, you can grab it instantly in my shop and support my work while you’re at it. 

This planner is offered as pay-what-you-want because I believe in making meaningful tools accessible. If it helps you reclaim even a sliver of your peace, that means everything to me.

✦  Minimum $3 helps cover my time and the tools I use to create

✦  Anything more is a tip that helps keep resources like this available to others

Either way, I hope it helps you take one step closer to the version of life that feels like yours.

Print it. Breathe. Say no.

This is your permission slip to protect your peace—without guilt.